Answers to some of life's most pressing questions. Namely, who won the French and Indian War (answer: the Indians?) and when it's appropriate to drink alcohol (answer: always)

Seek Klaus?

Marla Bear Gordon: The damn iPad auto corrected Sewickley

Marla Bear: Ok I’m off to the groceria. And liza is probably watching true blood . Not my favorite
Marla Bear: Weeds starte last night
Marla Bear: That show has lost it’s uuumph

— Thoughts on TV, courtesy of the best reviewer ever. 

Right now we are on the back porch and there are 2 oppossums in our yard

— Pretty sure we just call them possums.

“A member of the council without veto power is almost as insignificant and ineffectual as the UN itself.” Samatha Power does not approve of a certain Tall, half-Jewish friend of mine.

“A member of the council without veto power is almost as insignificant and ineffectual as the UN itself.”

Samatha Power does not approve of a certain Tall, half-Jewish friend of mine.

I can’t make her see you!

I didn’t get trip insurance on this trip to Italy because I have refundable, first-class tickets.

— Marla Bear Gordon, jet-setter extraordinaire.

Did you grow up in the woods or something? Are you Nell, from the movie Nell?

— Donna drives a Mercedes Benz. Yes she does.

Re: Purim

I know about Jew Halloween. GOD, I’m half Jewish, not half retarded.

I always forget that our dear friend Tall is half Jewish. It must be because she looks just like Giselle (or a gazelle).

Who would like a banger in the mouth? Oh, that’s right…here, you call it a “sausage in the mouth!”

Who would like a banger in the mouth? Oh, that’s right…here, you call it a “sausage in the mouth!”

No. What KIND of pizza is this? -This girl will not be in charge of pizza making. She is not an expert.

No. What KIND of pizza is this?

-This girl will not be in charge of pizza making. She is not an expert.